


Titanic Reruns

by AllonsyAlonso



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Humour, I Tried, Multi, Spideypool - Freeform, Valentine's Day, anyway, i guess idk, i suck at them, i'm only writing these tags bc i don't want to scroll down and write a summary, is everything that involves deadpool a crack fic, is this a crack fic idk, pls help me, this is lame isn't it be honest, who writes valentine's day fic in august, wtf gracia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 15:34:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4612059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllonsyAlonso/pseuds/AllonsyAlonso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Valentine's Day and Deadpool feels like watching Titanic. This is how it goes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Titanic Reruns

**Author's Note:**

> Julia, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I love you so so so so so so much and I hope you had an amazing day and I hope this thing I wrote doesn't ruin it. To be honest, I haven't written anything in months and somehow whenever I go write something for you, I'm pulled out of writer's block so thank youuuuu. Also there are a lot of grammar mistakes. Probably. I'm horrible. Next fic will be better, I SWEAR. Okay, I'm stalling, okay go read this as your bedtime story.

 

It's Valentine's Day and a local cinema is playing reruns of Titanic! And by local he means he had to go across the whole country to find that one cinema playing reruns of Titanic. Maybe it isn't local to him, but it's the only cinema that's not playing reruns of Fifty Shades of Gray, so yeah, he feels like he has a special connection with it.

He's in the back, mock-crying and sniffing, throwing crumpled tissues everywhere (yes, okay, he should show some respect to the cinema, but his mere presence is a blessing, so that's quite enough), trying to out-talk the sounds of other people actually crying and the sounds of other ten couples’ kissing noises. Damn. He should have brought his inflatable doll.

Rose is doing her suicidal thing and Jack shows up and between all the ‘aww’s and nose blowing, he hears someone whisper:”My babies.”

The whisper came from the end of his row and leans over to squint and see who that person is, but he knocks over his popcorn that was in his lap. Well, then. Good thing he bought – more like, sneaked in and stole – a lot of popcorn. He’s been occupying at least 3 seats with his bags of popcorn.

His wit takes over (when doesn’t it?) and he whispers back:”No, my babies.”

He doesn’t why he’s doing that (does he ever?). He just likes to fuck with people. By all means.

He gets a scoff in return and then everything gets back to its normal sounds. But, he’s Deadpool and he’s not letting this person go away so easily. Even though they did nothing. Well, when you think about it, maybe he can make that person’s Valentine’s Day a bit more interesting.

If that person was on a date with someone, they wouldn’t have said “my babies” in its date’s presence. That’d be weird. Unless they’re a movie nerd couple. Then again, don’t nerds talk back? They don’t reply with just a scoff. Maybe they’re shy? Nah, shy people are too shy to scoff back.

His mind wanders off after that. He’s deep into his fifth bag of popcorn when he burps, rather loudly (then again, everything is loud in a cinema), and he hears that voice again, now louder:”Gross.”

He goes to talk back, but another burp escapes his mouth and is soon followed by that voice saying:”You’re ruining the moment.”

Ah, yes. The sex scene is on. No wonder he hasn’t noticed it. His bag of popcorn brings him more pleasure than that scene. He only came to watch the movie is because he likes the last half an hour. The dying part.

“Am I now?” he replies, still chewing his popcorn. “Honey, you’ve seen nothing yet.”

“Oh, yeah?” the same person says.

“Please, get a room.” someone says from a few rows away.

“What, like all these horny teenagers around me?”

"Hey, I’m not a teenager, I’m – “

“Twelve. You’re twelve.”

“Can you all shut the fuck up, I’m trying to masturbate here.”

“The movie was rated PG-13, but this cinema should’ve been rated R, to be honest.”

“Would they provide us with condoms because I could really use one now.”

“Oh my God, Jim, I told you I’m not ready yet!”

“Babe, come on.”

“Leave her alone!”

“Thanks, but I can defend myself on my own.”

“I came to watch Titanic, what is this?”

“It’s a small bonus from the theater for not choosing to watch Fifty Shades of Gray.”

“This whole thing is like Fifty Shades of Gray.”

“If it was, they would provide us with vibrators.”

“Speaking of vibrators, anyone have a spare?”

 “What have I done to deserve this?”

“Okay, I take it back, you all ruined the moment,” says that voice again and Wade has had enough so he follows the source of the noise and voila! He’s at the end of his row, standing and staring at some cosplayer.

“Dude, seriously?” he says, still staring at the cosplayer. Who could blame him; it’s a really good cosplay. Skin tight and all. He doesn’t blame his eyes for wandering.

“It’s Valentine’s Day. You cosplay a cupid then or a stripper, not Spiderman!”

“Could say the same for, you hypocrite,” he says back, gesturing to his own suit.

“I’m not cosplaying anything,” he says and sits down next to the cosplayer.

“Yeah, and I’m not Spiderman,” ‘Spiderman’ says.

“Let’s play a game. It’s called ‘Spot The Nerd’,” someone says.

“I have a better one. It’s called ‘Fuck Off’”, he answers back, nearly shouting.

“Wow, what a comeback,” ‘Spiderman’ feigns surprise and then sighs.

“You have a better one, Spiderman?”

And then, there’s a flicking noise of some sort and something white shoots out of nowhere, past him, and, according to a yelp from somewhere below him, hits that

person from earlier.

“Hey, who threw jizz on me, what’s this?!” that person exclaims, but is soon shushed.

“What the fuck was that?” Deadpool asks, obviously bewildered.

“Oh, that? It was just this,” ‘Spiderman’ says and something white comes shooting out of his wrists and onto his face.

Deadpool stands there for a moment, just taking it in.

“Okay… would prefer something else that’s white on my face, but okay,” he says slowly. He then proceeds to quickly collect the web off of his face and throw it somewhere behind him.

“It usually takes people a while to get rid of it,” Spiderman says, looking at him intently. “Good with your fingers?”

Now that’s more like it.

“Oh, yeah, real good. With other stuff too, trust me,” Deadpool says, side-eyeing Spidey’s suit, trying to find a way to sneak his fingers in his pants.

“Like what?”

“Like martial arts.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I can bend really well,” he adds and winks (even though he can’t see it through his mask).

“I don’t doubt you can,” and suddenly there’s a nudge near his foot.

“Also, I’m good with swords.”

“Impressive.”

“Yeah, I know where to poke,” he says and nudges his foot back.

“You should probably teach me how to do stuff like that,” Spidey says as his foot nudges back, harder.

“Sure!”

“When do we start?”

“Well,” Deadpool pretends to look at his wrist as if there’s a watch. “I have a make out session in a few seconds so maybe when this movie finishes?”

“Hmm, are you sure you’re not busy with anything else after the movie? Don’t you have, oh, I don’t know, an adult playtime with someone or something?”

“Like the way you think. I’m sure something can be arranged, don’t you worry.”

Less than a beat later, they join the horny-teenagers bandwagon.

**Author's Note:**

> Is it bad? Is it good? Is it horrible? Are we still friends?


End file.
